Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3D, The (2005) Zero stars

Directed by Robert Rodriguez. Written by Racer Rodriguez & Robert Rodriguez. Cast: Taylor Lautner, Taylor Dooley, George Lopez, Racer Rodriguez, Rebel Rodriguez, Rocket Rodriguez, Cayden Boyd, David Arquette, Kristin Davis, et al. A Dimension film. 95 minutes. PG

The talented Texan Robert Rodriguez was a movie addict and film-maker from childhood on. He created quite a stir with his low-budget/no-budget "El Mariachi” and "Desperado.” Then, among others, came "Spy Kids’ and notably "Sin City” – the "uber-film noir” which had its fanatics –but also some detractors.

"The Adventures etc.," was inspired by one of the Rodriguez sons-- Racer Rodiguez- who, at age 7, communicated to his dad a number of his dreams and notions. What a nice father-son combo, but also what a fiasco!!!

If I had 24 free hours, much patience, and time to kill, I’d describe the resulting movie. Also if I got paid a minimum of one-thousand dollars. But I can only mention that it is all a fantasy, a boy’s journal of his dreams. In it the kid, Max, deals with the characters of the characters of the title (and himself) gone to Planet Drool where things happen while anyone among the movie-watchers with any brains, especially non-children, is subjected to a 90-plus minutes mega-boredom.

It is a disaster in all departments, including the fact that the film was shot in a bad, cheap 3-D process. The viewers watch through cheap, bottom-line plastic glasses that fit nobody. All regular-glasses wearers are submitted to several types of torture.

The special effects are predictable, the movie proper is incoherent, dull and repetitive. Its sections are arbitrary bits with no real connections among them. It’s all incoherent and ugly, messy and B-O-R-I-N-G beyond description, all that in awful colors and everything else.

To my taste, the only interesting character is the kids’ teacher (George Lopez) seen in class and who, alas, becomes a heavy as Mr. Electric during the "adventures."

Forget about the critters in the fantasy footage. And note that when all is said and done, the moral of the tale is "Dream your dream , then work to make it happen." A nice thought allright, but senseless in the context of this flick. The talented Texan Robert Rodriguez was a movie addict and film-maker from childhood on. He created quite a stir with his low-budget/no-budget "El Mariachi” and "Desperado.” Then, among others, came "Spy Kids’ and notably "Sin City” – the "uber-film noir” which had its fanatics –but also some detractors.

"The Adventures etc.," was inspired by one of the Rodriguez sons-- Racer Rodiguez- who, at age 7, communicated to his dad a number of his dreams and notions. What a nice father-son combo, but also what a fiasco!!!

If I had 24 free hours, much patience, and time to kill, I’d describe the resulting movie. Also if I got paid a minimum of one-thousand dollars. But I can only mention that it is all a fantasy, a boy’s journal of his dreams. In it the kid, Max, deals with the characters of the characters of the title (and himself) gone to Planet Drool where things happen while anyone among the movie-watchers with any brains, especially non-children, is subjected to a 90-plus minutes mega-boredom.

It is a disaster in all departments, including the fact that the film was shot in a bad, cheap 3-D process. The viewers watch through cheap, bottom-line plastic glasses that fit nobody. All regular-glasses wearers are submitted to several types of torture.

The special effects are predictable, the movie proper is incoherent, dull and repetitive. Its sections are arbitrary bits with no real connections among them. It’s all incoherent and ugly, messy and B-O-R-I-N-G beyond description, all that in awful colors and everything else.

To my taste, the only interesting character is the kids’ teacher (George Lopez) seen in class and who, alas, becomes a heavy as Mr. Electric during the "adventures."

Forget about the critters in the fantasy footage. And note that when all is said and done, the moral of the tale is "Dream your dream , then work to make it happen." A nice thought allright, but senseless in the context of this flick.